no one tells you that part

okay so i have exactly 38 days left here (my stomach just dropped typing that.. i thought it was more). and coming out here i had SO MANY people telling me how much fun i would have and how much i would learn and how much i would love the city and that being a nanny is such a great experience.

but no one tells you the part about how hard it is to leave. on monday when i was out to lunch with my mom, we started talking about it and it started bawling. and i didn't really stop crying. then when i walked into the house and went in to say goodnight to that sweet little boy and he looks up at me and smiles and says "i missed you mia!" and i lost it again.

no one tells you how attached you get to the kids.
no one tells you how attached you get to your new home
or the runs on the beach
or late night Mel's runs
or the friends you make who will return to their own homes in other states
or the trips you make downtown by yourself
or your uncle who you wished you had spent more time with

i live in one of the biggest cities in america, people travel the world to visit where i LIVE and i feel like i don't have enough time. like i still have things i need to do before i leave. but i think no matter how long i stay here, it will never be enough time.

but leaving the city isn't even the hard part. every time that little boy tells me he loves me or when that little girl runs up to me and hugs me or when the other little boy tries and fails to scare me, my heart just breaks knowing that i'm just going to leave them. i cannot believe how much i love these kids. i didn't know that i was capable of loving other human beings the way i love these kids.