no one tells you that part

okay so i have exactly 38 days left here (my stomach just dropped typing that.. i thought it was more). and coming out here i had SO MANY people telling me how much fun i would have and how much i would learn and how much i would love the city and that being a nanny is such a great experience.

but no one tells you the part about how hard it is to leave. on monday when i was out to lunch with my mom, we started talking about it and it started bawling. and i didn't really stop crying. then when i walked into the house and went in to say goodnight to that sweet little boy and he looks up at me and smiles and says "i missed you mia!" and i lost it again.

no one tells you how attached you get to the kids.
no one tells you how attached you get to your new home
or the runs on the beach
or late night Mel's runs
or the friends you make who will return to their own homes in other states
or the trips you make downtown by yourself
or your uncle who you wished you had spent more time with

i live in one of the biggest cities in america, people travel the world to visit where i LIVE and i feel like i don't have enough time. like i still have things i need to do before i leave. but i think no matter how long i stay here, it will never be enough time.

but leaving the city isn't even the hard part. every time that little boy tells me he loves me or when that little girl runs up to me and hugs me or when the other little boy tries and fails to scare me, my heart just breaks knowing that i'm just going to leave them. i cannot believe how much i love these kids. i didn't know that i was capable of loving other human beings the way i love these kids.

i guess i just feel like writing

i really want to write something but i feel like i have nothing of worth to say. my life is very repetitive. i work all week and play on the weekends... when i'm not working.

i have 66 days left out here. and bryan has 93 days left out there.

my free time these days consists of online car shopping and watching the office

i really wish i liked to read like i used to. in high school, i would stay up for hours to finish just one more chapter. then just one more. then i PROMISE just one more.

i also wish i liked to write in my journal like i used to. like i said before, my life is so repetitive that i feel there is no point in writing everyday because it would be the same thing over and over again.

i would love to be a photographer. but not like the type that every other girl claims to be, i REALLY want to do it and be good at it.

one day, i will achieve my dream body. i want to be strong. not skinny. i like my thick build. i've got a few (more than a few) curves and it makes me feel like a woman, not a lurpy teenage boy

i really want to go to greece. and i will one day

my thoughts today in the shower were this: "what if mankind never progressed? what if we were still living in caves, hunting and gathering?" well, if that were the case, you wouldn't be reading this, that's for sure

i love my job SO MUCH. i couldn't have asked for a better experience. it couldn't have been more positively life changing and perfect even if i'd planned it out myself (God really knows what he's doing up there)

i do love my job, but i'm also ready to be back home. i miss utah (never thought i'd say that). i miss my family and my friends and i miss my boyfriend

i can't decide if i want to do another childcare job when i do get home. cause child care is what i know and i'm good at it but i would like to become a mother in the next few years (after marriage of course) and i sometimes wonder if i maybe need a break from it all. try something new maybe? (if you're reading this and know if any jobs for me starting april 28, you go right ahead and let me know)

people exhaust me. i don't mean that rudely, i just get really exhausted when i'm around a lot of people for a long period of time (see THIS list. this is seriously me to a t. also THIS. #introvertsunite)

it's wedding/ engagement season. and i can't wait for it to be my turn.

i can't get off my civil wars kick. they are literally all i listen to.

is it christmas yet?

sittin, waitin, wishin

this is me waiting to go home (i know i look orange, my web cam is horrendous)

t- 6 hours 19 minutes and 6... 5....4....3 seconds

you know what september means...

september is half way over which means:

-all the good tv shows start back up again (new girl, once upon a time, modern family, glee, parks and rec, raising hope) gonna have me a busy week. every week for the next few months. cause obviously, my life revolves around my tv shows
-next month is october. which ALSO means
              -PLL halloween special
              -ravenswood premiers (more tv guys)
              -13 nights of halloween
              -halloween
-my birthday is less than 2 months away. i will OFFICIALLY  be an adult. the big 2-1.
-november also marks bryan only having 6 months left. what, WHAT?
-next is thanksgiving. when i will again be in the paradise called palm springs (can that please come faster?)
-then after that, the christmas season can officially begin. although, i may or may not have already been listening to christmas music for weeks. it's taking everything in me not to pull out my little mini christmas tree right this second.
-what's next folks? abc family's 25 day's of christmas. it's what i live for.
-then is the big day. Christmas. the day in which i will reunite with my family after 6 months of being away, that's the longest i will have ever been away from my family at one time.
-then after that i will return back to sf for a mere 2 months. it's already freaking me out that that's all the time i have left.
-come the end of february, i will permanently return to layton to await may. hopefully in the mean time, i can find like, 3 jobs and buy my dream car.

so now you all now my life timeline and the things that are important to me. (tv...?)

until next time, here you go. i've watched probably all of this guys videos, he's hilarious.

116 days, 1 hour, 40 minutes, 51 seconds

until christmas that is. i don't think i have ever been so excited for the holidays, like, can it just be halloween yet so we can get the ball rollin?! i've already been listening to christmas music for weeks now.(i'm not even ashamed of that.) now for a throwback from christmas' past:

^2012^

(please notice frank, she looks like a freaking mop. i love her)

(yes, our female dog's name is frank)

^2011^

^2010^

(hahahahHAHAHAHAHhahahahaha LOOK AT US!)