you know, life happens

In case you didn't know, we moved last weekend. Not far, but to another city so it's weird and taking a bit of getting used to. But so far so good. I finally got things put away and the decor put up (the most important part, obviously). Also, see that table? It only took us 7 months to refinish... still working on chairs. BUT we now have a table.

I had to postpone school because it just wasn't working with two jobs and trying to get financial aid in time so, one more month to go.

This week is my last week as a nanny. Maybe ever. But I've already said I wouldn't nanny again so, we'll see.

I had a super scary dream about my sister the other night but don't worry, she's okay. I made sure.



I suppose that's about it for now. As Olivia would say, "peace n blessin's. peace n blessings"

nervous for what? (caution. a mushy post)

tonight i had a major realization. as most of you know, i am in san francisco watching my babies for 10 days (only 3 days left with them :( ). tonight, some aunts came over for dinner. i wasn't feeling particularly hungry for i had a large, late breakfast then snacked on peanut butter pretzels all day. so i skipped dinner. one aunt asked if i was eating and i answered "no" the other aunt said "why? are you nervous?"

i was so confused. what could i possibly be nervous about?



oh yeah... i'm getting married in 5 days. the biggest, most life changing thing that will ever happen to me.

that one thing where i'll be stuck with the same person for the rest of eternity. i'll change the name i've had all 21 (almost 22) years of my life. i'll move away from my childhood home. i won't live with my own family ever again.

that thing

you know what? i'm not nervous. not in the slightest. i'm ready. you know how people say "when you know, you know" nothing is truer. no one can tell you who to be with. you just know. and i know that i'm supposed to be with bryan. and i can't wait.:)

no one tells you that part

okay so i have exactly 38 days left here (my stomach just dropped typing that.. i thought it was more). and coming out here i had SO MANY people telling me how much fun i would have and how much i would learn and how much i would love the city and that being a nanny is such a great experience.

but no one tells you the part about how hard it is to leave. on monday when i was out to lunch with my mom, we started talking about it and it started bawling. and i didn't really stop crying. then when i walked into the house and went in to say goodnight to that sweet little boy and he looks up at me and smiles and says "i missed you mia!" and i lost it again.

no one tells you how attached you get to the kids.
no one tells you how attached you get to your new home
or the runs on the beach
or late night Mel's runs
or the friends you make who will return to their own homes in other states
or the trips you make downtown by yourself
or your uncle who you wished you had spent more time with

i live in one of the biggest cities in america, people travel the world to visit where i LIVE and i feel like i don't have enough time. like i still have things i need to do before i leave. but i think no matter how long i stay here, it will never be enough time.

but leaving the city isn't even the hard part. every time that little boy tells me he loves me or when that little girl runs up to me and hugs me or when the other little boy tries and fails to scare me, my heart just breaks knowing that i'm just going to leave them. i cannot believe how much i love these kids. i didn't know that i was capable of loving other human beings the way i love these kids.

9.11

i remember waking up. i was 8 years old and i was sick. i walked into my parents bedroom and my mom had the tv on. at first i thought it was happening in salt lake. but then my mom told me, i didn't fully understand at the time. i didn't understand why. and you know what, who does? still, to this day.

i know this technically wouldn't apply to 9/11 considering the time difference but, for me, it does. this is the first bad thing i remember happening in the world. when i woke up that morning, i learned that there are bad people who do bad things to good, innocent people. and that's when i knew that this world wasn't the good, safe place i thought it was.

i can't wait for the day when everything is good again.

writing prompt 5

i've slacked off on my writing prompts lately. but i'm here to finish what i started. today's is:

"tell about a lesson you learned in middle school"

in middle school. i had like, zero confidence. and i tried REALLY hard to 'be cool'. too hard. and i was just... awkward. and i was scared of boys. 

i was always taller than all the boys, i had crooked teeth and big bushy eyebrows. 

i eventually learned to love myself. and i learned "who cares what other people think about you?" i think every girl eventually realized this at some point or another. 

i also realized that the more i didn't care about what other people thought of me, the more friends i made and the more people wanted to be around me. and i've noticed that in other people too. i don't want to be around people who have no self confidence or self worth. it's sad. 

i also learned to wax my eyebrows and now they're my favorite feature, is that weird? learning how to do my own hair was a good thing too i guess.

i forgot these things i learned a little when i got into high school. i was too scared to ever try out for volleyball or student body office and i regret that more than anything. i'm so glad to see my siblings go out for the things they want and not letting fear get in the way of that.

and i sometimes see it in myself even now. so i'm setting a new goal starting NOW. i'm not going to be scared. i'm going to be me.

i've posted this before but i'm doing it again:

moral of the story: sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching and live like it's heaven on earth.

late night ramblings

i just bought my ticket home and i'm super excited
i do everything there is to take good care of my hair, and it still refuses to grow
i love when my dad sends me random texts:)
i'm super excited to be on my ward's fhe committee
i need some PLL back in my life
i can't wait to go to palm springs for thanksgiving
the 16th needs to come quicker
i need to find something better to do with my time than watch netflix. maybe i'll get started on my book
i'm so angry that the zipper on my brand new skirt broke
i love being a nanny
but sometimes i feel silly when the girl i'm talking to is telling me about how she's a scientist for the university working on curing cancer with stem cells and i'm just like... "baby boy bit me today"
i find myself wanting to #hashtag everything i say/type
i tweet WAY too much
i also instagram WAY too much
but i just like sharing my life with/ bragging to everyone!
pushing daisies is seriously the cutest show ever made. it shouldn't have been cancelled. a little piece of me died the day it did
i have found that once i start eating pumpkin seeds. it never stops.
i want more lipstick
i was reading in 1 nephi and i came across chapter 16 verse 32 and i found myself really being able to relate to laman and lemuel. it says "and now when they beheld that i had obtained food, how great was their joy!" because that's how i feel every time my nanny mama goes grocery shopping
pinterest is one of life's greater inventions
i need to stop staying up late for no reason whatsoever.
but i just like the night time (i get it from my mama)
last night, i had a dream that my parents got me a smart car and my dog was really ugly.

okay. i'm done.

thoughts for thursday

okay, so thoughts for thursday isn't everything i wanted it to be. so instead, i'm going to do a thought of the week on the sidebar >>>>

starting NOW.

eyes opened and feeling extremely grateful

today was my first day in my new ward here in san fran. it was a really great day, but rather long. let me tell you just how long. i left my house at 11:30 this morning and got back at 6 this evening. that was just to church and then back on the bus.

it's funny. being born and raised in utah, i never really appreciated growing up in such a "mormon area" it's just how it was.

i never really thought about the fact that almost all the people you associated with were mormon and if they weren't active mormons, they still knew enough about the church, rather than having to explain what a missionary was or why you don't wear tank tops.

knowing you could walk around the corner and there would be a church, rather than waiting for forever for a bus to come then getting stuck in tourist traffic for 2 hours.

nobody i know does anything on sundays, but here people just live life like it's just another day. just another day to go to work or go on tours of the city or go to the grocery store.

having my eyes opened up to this world, i am so grateful for being raised in utah. i've always complained about how much i hated it and have always thought to myself that i wanted something more and something bigger, while i am LOVING this more and bigger, i'm feeling grateful for what i had in utah and maybe missing it just a little bit;)

the long trip to the church was beyond worth it. i got my weekly spiritual fill (which i sadly missed last week, so it felt great). AND  i met some AWESOME people. i met some other nannies who were kinder than you could even imagine. i know i'm going to love this ward, i already do

these girls

we finally got our roommate pictures done. i've been sad about leaving but i hadn't

really cried about it until last night when i called my mom bawling. i've never had so much

come at me at once. then today, sitting in sacrament meeting, i wasn't even

thinking about it being my last sunday until the closing hymn was

God Be With You Till We Meet Again. i lost it. i was bawling like a baby.

and the boyfriend came up and was our lovely photographer.

nothing is as constant as change

in a few weeks, my life is going to change drastically. first off, i will no longer be living with the 5 most amazing girls i've ever met. our code word for this day is "salamander". we are all going our separate ways. megan will continue at utah state but is moving to a different building. kim and tarah will be back up here in good ole pineview in august. my jenna and carrie are both going back home to pg to attend uvu and i will be in new york. after that happens, my best friend in the whole universe is going to serve the Lord for two years in south carolina. and come september, i will be in new york. 

it's going to be a rough change.

but change can be good.